Chinese Idiom: 不亢不卑 (Bu Keng Bu Bei)
English Translations: Neither Arrogant nor Humble
pīn yīn: bù kàng bù bēi
Idiom Meaning: Refers to a manner or attitude that is balanced and appropriate, neither too proud nor too submissive. It describes a poised and respectful approach in interactions with others.
Historical Source: Dream of the Red Chamber (《红楼梦》), Chapter 56
Idiom Story:
Dream of the Red Chamber, also known as The Story of the Stone, is a classic Chinese novel by Cao Xueqin, with additional chapters often attributed to Gao E. Written during the Qing Dynasty, it is celebrated for its intricate portrayal of 18th-century Chinese society.
In Chapter 56 of the novel, a discussion takes place among several characters, including the smart and perceptive Ping’er, who is a maid to Fengjie. Ping’er navigates the conversation with skill, neither offending others nor compromising her own position. This discussion concerns the management of the garden, with suggestions and criticisms being exchanged.
In the conversation, Xue Baochai, who is known for her tact and diplomacy, makes a remark about Ping’er’s manner of speaking. She observes that Ping’er’s approach is “不亢不卑,” meaning she maintains a balanced demeanor that neither overly flatters nor criticizes. Baochai notes that Ping’er’s way of speaking is a model of how to be appropriately respectful and balanced in dealing with others.
The idiom “不亢不卑” thus emerged from this context, symbolizing an ideal approach to interpersonal interactions that maintains dignity without falling into extremes of arrogance or servility.
